Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
