I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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