i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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