Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
