ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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