I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
