....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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