i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
