ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
