I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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