i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
