I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
