Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
