All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize