I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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