clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
