You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
