I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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