bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
