Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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