Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize