im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
