How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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