Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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