i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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