how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
