This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
