So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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