We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
