the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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