the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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