You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
