He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
