so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
