I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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