Say something about gay babies.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
