32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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