This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
