So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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