they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
