my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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