Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
