Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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