this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
