Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
