South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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