I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
