Nicole vs. Life
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
