So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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