I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
