Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
