I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
