I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
