i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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