when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
