Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize