you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
