Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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