I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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