never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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