trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
