We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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