i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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