i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your penis caused this!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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