If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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