remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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