all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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