My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize