she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
