U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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